parenting

Money, Conflict, and Marriage

May 6, 2020 By Daniel Im

A few days ago, my wife and I launched a weekly FB Live show called After Hours with Daniel and Christina Im!! It is an opportunity to connect, to ask your parenting and marriage questions, and to be reminded weekly that we are in this marriage/parenting marathon together!

This week, we discuss:

How knowing your money personality can save you and your spouse a lot of heartache, tears, and frustration
How the Enneagram gives you the language to both express how you feel and understand how your spouse is feeling during a conflict
And we answer a listener’s question: “What advice do you have for online/long distance dating?”

Watch this inaugural episode, “Money, Conflict, and Marriage,” on our brand new YouTube Channel! (and please subscribe too, since we’re just getting started 😅)

If you want to join us live, be sure to head on over to our Facebook page every Tuesday at 9 PM MT.

https://youtu.be/nA6c0VPgBu0

A New Chapter and Season

February 6, 2018 By Daniel Im

Once Christina and I had Victoria, our first child, the way we went about life and ministry changed dramatically.

Instead of being on the front lines doing ministry together, Christina took a back seat. Not a back seat in regards to importance, but a back seat in regards to visibility and role.

So over the last year, a regular conversation that we would have while praying and Sabbathing together had been, “What are you going to do when the kids all go to school?”

“Are you going to go back to social work? To counseling? Back to school? Or start something new?”

While we still don’t have that fully figured out (and I think that’s okay), there is one thing that we’ve decided to do…and do together.

Music and Your Brain, Worship and Your Heart

May 30, 2017 By Daniel Im

My children love to sing and dance. So oftentimes after dinner, we’ll goof around, turn up the tunes, and sing songs with one another.

No, not like the von Trapp family—albeit, we have sung, “Doe, a deer, a female deer” more than once…

One particular evening, I began singing “A Whole New World” from Disney’s Aladdin. I always loved the melody as a child, but while I was teaching it to my children, I quickly realized something about the lyrics—I didn’t agree with them! And I definitely did not want my children being influenced by those horrible lyrics.

“No one to tell us no? Or where to go?”

I didn’t want my children saying that to me! And I definitely did not want them to leave me…at least not yet.

The thing about music is that it deeply shapes us—often without us recognizing the full extent of its influence.

In one study, three professors from Harvard and Boston College discovered that children who had three years or more musical instrument training performed better than those who didn’t learn an instrument in auditory discrimination abilities and fine motor skills. They also tested better on vocabulary and non-verbal reasoning skills, which involve understanding and analyzing visual information.

What’s interesting about this study is that you would naturally expect someone who is learning an instrument to develop in their fine motor skills, which they did. However, you wouldn’t necessarily expect someone who’s learning an instrument to grow in their vocabulary and non-verbal reasoning skills! It’s amazing how the brain is wired and how music shapes your brain.

Similarly, have you ever considered the way worship shapes your heart?

A Lesson From a Reluctant Leader

December 20, 2016 By Daniel Im

Joseph is probably one of the most awkwardly and reluctantly blessed men in the world.

No I’m not talking about Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I’m talking about the man in those nativity scenes that always seems to be awkwardly standing beside Mary. In the Scriptures, while he was prominent at the beginning of Jesus’ life, he surprisingly fades away from the narrative as Jesus gets older. This doesn’t mean he was absent. It just means that we don’t know much about him.

One of the things that we do know about Joseph is that he was Jesus’ dad.

Just think about the implications of that for a moment. How would Jesus have been different if Joseph didn’t raise him as his son? What if Joseph left? What if he did actually divorce Mary in secret (Matt 1:19)? What if Jesus grew up fatherless? Or if another man entered the scene? Would Jesus have been different?

Recently, my wife and I have been watching a show called, Designated Survivor. It’s about a low-level cabinet minister that becomes President of the United States after a catastrophic attack destroys the capitol building and the government’s leadership infrastructure.

In a recent episode, there’s this scene where a news reporter asks the President’s son what he thinks about the fact that his dad might not actually be his real dad. Now just imagine how you would feel if someone dropped a bomb like that on you.

In one of the following scenes, while the son is watching TV trying to soak in what he’s going to do, Mike, the secret service agent assigned to him says,

You know, my dad’s called me everyday since I joined the secret service, just to make sure I’m staying safe.

The son responds,

Mike I…I know what you’re doing…You’re trying to tell me, no matter what, my dad cares.

Mike then says,

No I’m telling you about my dad. He taught me how to hoop and how to talk to girls. He pretty much made me who I am today. The funny thing is, I didn’t know him till I was three. That’s when my mom married him. I never met my biological father. Those tests—they tell you biology…but they don’t tell you who your dad is.

So yes, while Jesus is the Savior of the world, our messiah, the prophesied one, and the one who destroyed sin and death—Jesus, while being fully God, was also fully man. And because he was fully man—and had a mom, dad, and siblings—we can’t neglect the crucial role that his family had on him.

Your family played a critical role in shaping you to be the leader you are today.

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In other words, Jesus was shaped by his earthly dad.

When Joseph stuck with Mary and cared for his “adopted” son, this shaped Jesus. When Joseph brought Mary to Bethlehem, this shaped Jesus. And when Joseph listened to the angel that told him to get up and flee to Egypt since Herod was planning on destroying him, this shaped Jesus.

It wasn’t going to automatically happen. They weren’t going to be teleported to Egypt. Joseph had to get up, pack the caravan (the one with wood paneling on the side), chart the course, and bring his wife and his newborn son to Egypt.

Let alone the fact that they got up THAT NIGHT! Just imagine packing and moving within a moment’s notice?

So what does this have to do with being a reluctant leader?

While there are some areas in your life where you might have the title “leader,” there are many more where you are seen as a leader. These are the areas in our lives where, unfortunately, many of us are most reluctant to grab hold of our leadership responsibilities.

I’m primarily talking about the home. And in this article specifically, to parents. In other words, if you’re a parent, you’re a leader. So don’t neglect your children.

If you’re a parent, you’re a leader. So don’t neglect your children.

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Your children are watching you:

They’re watching the way you get home from work
They’re watching the way you sometimes choose to be on your phone over interacting with them
They’re watching the way you connect or don’t connect with your neighbors
They’re watching whether or not you’re choosing to join together with the family of God and worship on a weekly basis, regardless of whether or not you want to
They’re watching whether or not you’re in biblical community with others
They’re watching whether or not you’re serving on a regular basis
They’re watching if you’re making reading the Scriptures a priority in your life or not

I know this may sound harsh, but trust me, I’ve had to preach this to myself first. So this is more of a confession than it is anything else.

Since parenting is often caught more than taught, let’s stop leading passively and reluctantly towards an end that we don’t even want. Let’s together stop being reluctant leaders.

After all, just like Joseph’s actions shaped Jesus, the same is true for you. Your actions are shaping your children.

Faith and Kids – the Parent’s role

October 27, 2011 By Daniel Im

Deut. 6:1 These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3 Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, promised you.

Deut. 6:4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

We can’t pass something onto our kids that we don’t have ourselves. After all, the above passage says that we need to love the lord our God with all OUR heart, OUR soul, and with all OUR strength…this is before he even mentions impressing it on your child. So what’s first? What should our priority be?

If we want to be great parents and see our children grow up to know, love, and serve Jesus, then we need to be doing that first.

Attending a weekend service, participating in a group, and meeting with others in your group on a casual basis are all designed to be reinforcements for the way we raise our children and draw closer to God…they aren’t intended to be replacements for us raising our kids up in the faith and us taking personal responsibility for our spiritual lives.

Grab a pencil.