Daniel Im

Pastor + Author

marriage

Money, Conflict, and Marriage

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A few days ago, my wife and I launched a weekly FB Live show called After Hours with Daniel and Christina Im!! It is an opportunity to connect, to ask your parenting and marriage questions, and to be reminded weekly that we are in this marriage/parenting marathon together! 

This week, we discuss:

  • How knowing your money personality can save you and your spouse a lot of heartache, tears, and frustration
  • How the Enneagram gives you the language to both express how you feel and understand how your spouse is feeling during a conflict
  • And we answer a listener’s question: “What advice do you have for online/long distance dating?”

Watch this inaugural episode, “Money, Conflict, and Marriage,” on our brand new YouTube Channel! (and please subscribe too, since we’re just getting started 😅)

If you want to join us live, be sure to head on over to our Facebook page every Tuesday at 9 PM MT. 

https://youtu.be/nA6c0VPgBu0

Dealing with Conflict: Boxing Gloves or Broom?

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Conflict is inevitable—in marriage, with your children, at work, and pretty much in all arenas of life.

How do you deal with it when it comes? Do you pick up your boxing gloves or a broom?

On the one hand, if you deal with conflict by picking up your boxing gloves, then you likely face it head on, talk it out, and push through to a resolution—no matter how inconvenient it might be, or how awkward it is to those around you.

On the other hand, if you deal with conflict by picking up your broom, then you might walk out, ignore it, pretend it never happened, change the subject, or tell yourself that it’s not that big of a deal and to stop acting like a baby.

When it comes to conflict, do you pick up your boxing gloves or a broom?

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So how do you deal with conflict when it comes? And have you ever wondered why you deal it with the way you do?

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The One Thing Husbands Need to Know About Their Wives

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The following is a guest post written by my wife, Christina Im, on the one thing that she wants every husband to know. I pray that it encourages you as much as it has encouraged me.

Marriage is hard.

Marriage takes work.

Marriage isn’t always what we thought it would be.

Marriage takes sacrifice.

Daniel and I have recently entered our 12th year of marriage. During our engagement, if someone were to have had told me any of the above statements, I would have scoffed at them. “Actually, marriage is going to be amazing because I can finally have sex,” is what I would have wanted to say. But honestly, I would have NEVER had the audacity to be that abrupt.

On a perfectly sunny August day, I married my best friend. And, we lived happily ever after, right?

Well, like you always hear from those who have gone before us, the first year of marriage was difficult—we had A LOT of “iron sharpening iron” moments. However, nothing could have prepared me for the agony and the deep soul searching that awaited me.

I can recount two times where I cried out to God, “Hey…I think you’ve forgotten me.” The first time was when Daniel felt a strong calling to leave everyone and everything behind and move to South Korea. I was just entering my second year at a job that had GREAT potential and I was toying with the idea of going back to school to get my Masters of Social Work. Moving to Korea was not on my radar, and while I begged God to change my husband’s heart…God changed mine instead.

Have you ever felt put on the sidelines…by God?

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The second time I felt that God had put me on the sidelines was the moment I saw the blue double lines appear on the pregnancy test. “Oh God, we are living in Korea with no family around. We are BOTH just about to start our second semester of school. We don’t have time to be pregnant.” In the end, Daniel and I chose to put my schooling and career on hold while I became a full-time stay-at-home mom.

I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.

I wanted to wear heels during the day and slippers at night while I rocked my precious children to sleep. However, with Daniel working full-time, writing part-time, and the cost of having three kids under five in daycare, it didn’t financially make sense for me to go back to work. So, life tumbled on.

A year ago, a theme began to appear in my life.

Whether it was the latest Bible study I was doing, or the new hit song that would play on the radio—the theme was “SEEN.” Slowly, God’s past whispers of “I have not forgotten you,” turned into billboards screaming, “THE UNSEEN IS SEEN.” Suddenly, through one event catapulting to another, my dormant dreams, passions, and aspirations emerged from their cocooned state.

What is unseen to you is SEEN by God.

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Husbands, I share my story with you because we have something in common.

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The WHY Behind Your Decisions

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Have you ever thought through the WHY behind your decisions?

In other words, why do you make the decisions you do? For example,

  • If you have a Saturday open on your schedule, do you play a round of golf with your buddies, or go to the swimming pool with your children?
  • If a meeting is cancelled, do you catch up with your email? Check social media? Or. read the news or a book?
  • When the kids go to bed, do you watch Netflix? Read a book? Work on a project? Or, talk with a friend or your spouse?

These decisions are often subconscious—they’re underneath the surface. We make them without thinking. They are our habits, our defaults, our normals, or our vices.

Many of our decisions are often subconscious—they’re underneath the surface.

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Whether you realize it or not, many of these kinds of decisions have already been made for you based on your values or principles. These are the very elements that set the status quo for us.

If this is true, wouldn’t it be worth your time to do a little introspection and uncover the why behind your decisions? Your values and principles?

A while back, I came across Amazon’s leadership principles. I like how they describe them,

Our Leadership Principles aren’t inspirational wall hanging. These Principles work hard, just like we do. Amazonians use them, every day, whether they’re discussing ideas for new projects, deciding on the best solution for a customer’s problem, or interviewing candidates.

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A New Chapter and Season

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Once Christina and I had Victoria, our first child, the way we went about life and ministry changed dramatically.

Instead of being on the front lines doing ministry together, Christina took a back seat. Not a back seat in regards to importance, but a back seat in regards to visibility and role.

So over the last year, a regular conversation that we would have while praying and Sabbathing together had been, “What are you going to do when the kids all go to school?”

“Are you going to go back to social work? To counseling? Back to school? Or start something new?”

While we still don’t have that fully figured out (and I think that’s okay), there is one thing that we’ve decided to do…and do together.

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