Daniel Im

Pastor + Author

leadership

Should You Love Those You Lead?

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The only people who can hurt you deeply are the ones you allow to get deep inside your soul. This is what makes love so dangerous. – Erwin McManus

In order to be an effective leader, do you need to love those you’re leading? Is love a competency that a leader needs to display proficiency in?

When it comes to the task or the domain of your work, love will go a long way. After all, when you love what you’re doing, time flies. Can’t you remember doing something for hours upon end, only to realize that it’s past midnight? Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls this flow. This is what it means to work in your area of greatest talent or strength.

But what about the people you’re working with? Do you need to love them in order to be an effective leader?

The straightforward answer is no. There are a lot of people that I’ve worked with that I definitely did not love. Now obviously, I’m not talking about the romantic sense of love. I’m talking about the sort of brotherly love that causes you to care for, think about, and want to hang out with others outside of work hours.

For some, this sounds like crossing boundaries. “Shouldn’t work be work and personal life be personal life?” While there are many that still hold to this view, there are an increasing number of leaders–millennials especially–that want to see that line done away with.

Just think about it. If you had the choice, wouldn’t you want to love what you’re doing and love who you’re doing it with?

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A Lesson From a Reluctant Leader

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Joseph is probably one of the most awkwardly and reluctantly blessed men in the world.

No I’m not talking about Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I’m talking about the man in those nativity scenes that always seems to be awkwardly standing beside Mary. In the Scriptures, while he was prominent at the beginning of Jesus’ life, he surprisingly fades away from the narrative as Jesus gets older. This doesn’t mean he was absent. It just means that we don’t know much about him.

One of the things that we do know about Joseph is that he was Jesus’ dad.

Just think about the implications of that for a moment. How would Jesus have been different if Joseph didn’t raise him as his son? What if Joseph left? What if he did actually divorce Mary in secret (Matt 1:19)? What if Jesus grew up fatherless? Or if another man entered the scene? Would Jesus have been different?

Recently, my wife and I have been watching a show called, Designated Survivor. It’s about a low-level cabinet minister that becomes President of the United States after a catastrophic attack destroys the capitol building and the government’s leadership infrastructure.

In a recent episode, there’s this scene where a news reporter asks the President’s son what he thinks about the fact that his dad might not actually be his real dad. Now just imagine how you would feel if someone dropped a bomb like that on you.

In one of the following scenes, while the son is watching TV trying to soak in what he’s going to do, Mike, the secret service agent assigned to him says,

You know, my dad’s called me everyday since I joined the secret service, just to make sure I’m staying safe.

The son responds,

Mike I…I know what you’re doing…You’re trying to tell me, no matter what, my dad cares.

Mike then says,

No I’m telling you about my dad. He taught me how to hoop and how to talk to girls. He pretty much made me who I am today. The funny thing is, I didn’t know him till I was three. That’s when my mom married him. I never met my biological father. Those tests—they tell you biology…but they don’t tell you who your dad is.

So yes, while Jesus is the Savior of the world, our messiah, the prophesied one, and the one who destroyed sin and death—Jesus, while being fully God, was also fully man. And because he was fully man—and had a mom, dad, and siblings—we can’t neglect the crucial role that his family had on him.

Your family played a critical role in shaping you to be the leader you are today.

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In other words, Jesus was shaped by his earthly dad.

When Joseph stuck with Mary and cared for his “adopted” son, this shaped Jesus. When Joseph brought Mary to Bethlehem, this shaped Jesus. And when Joseph listened to the angel that told him to get up and flee to Egypt since Herod was planning on destroying him, this shaped Jesus.

It wasn’t going to automatically happen. They weren’t going to be teleported to Egypt. Joseph had to get up, pack the caravan (the one with wood paneling on the side), chart the course, and bring his wife and his newborn son to Egypt.

Let alone the fact that they got up THAT NIGHT! Just imagine packing and moving within a moment’s notice?

So what does this have to do with being a reluctant leader?

While there are some areas in your life where you might have the title “leader,” there are many more where you are seen as a leader. These are the areas in our lives where, unfortunately, many of us are most reluctant to grab hold of our leadership responsibilities.

I’m primarily talking about the home. And in this article specifically, to parents. In other words, if you’re a parent, you’re a leader. So don’t neglect your children.

If you’re a parent, you’re a leader. So don’t neglect your children.

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Your children are watching you:

  • They’re watching the way you get home from work
  • They’re watching the way you sometimes choose to be on your phone over interacting with them
  • They’re watching the way you connect or don’t connect with your neighbors
  • They’re watching whether or not you’re choosing to join together with the family of God and worship on a weekly basis, regardless of whether or not you want to
  • They’re watching whether or not you’re in biblical community with others
  • They’re watching whether or not you’re serving on a regular basis
  • They’re watching if you’re making reading the Scriptures a priority in your life or not

I know this may sound harsh, but trust me, I’ve had to preach this to myself first. So this is more of a confession than it is anything else.

Since parenting is often caught more than taught, let’s stop leading passively and reluctantly towards an end that we don’t even want. Let’s together stop being reluctant leaders.

After all, just like Joseph’s actions shaped Jesus, the same is true for you. Your actions are shaping your children.

Questions to Find Your Calling

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“If time and money were no object, what would you do with your life?”

I forget who first asked me that question, but when they did, it was a defining moment for me. Well, it eventually became a defining moment for me. In the moment, it was just plain annoying.

I didn’t want to do the hard work of thinking. I wanted someone just to tell me what my plot in life was. I wanted someone to tell me what I was good at, so that I could just do that, and be done with it. I wanted to copy what made others successful, hoping that following their paths would do the same for me.

Boy, am I ever glad someone asked me that question. It’s what has partially catapulted me down the road to where I am today and the deep honor and privilege I have to serve pastors and church leaders.

I often return to what Sun Tzu, the Chinese general, military strategist, and author of The Art of War wrote. Let me paraphrase him,

If you know your enemy, you’ll win half of the battles. But when you know yourself, you’ll win the other half. [1]

Just imagine the implications if we spent as much time discovering the unique ways that God has wired, gifted, talented, and called us, as we do reading biographies, copying the “successful,” and mimicking models? Investing in yourself is time never wasted.

Investing in yourself is time never wasted.

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The Power of the Right Questions

I love what Peter Drucker wrote about the importance of questions,

Answers are important; you need answers before you need action. But the most important thing is to ask…questions.

In order to find your calling in life, take a moment and prayerfully answer the following questions from my friend Todd Wilson’s new book, More: Find Your Personal Calling and Live Life to the Fullest Measure:

  1. Am I willing to move and go wherever God wants me to go?
  2. Am I willing to work with whomever God wants me to work?
  3. Am I willing to go whenever God asks me to go?
  4. Am I willing to do whatever God asks me to do, regardless of consequences?
  5. How can I expect God to send me and use me if I’m not really willing to go? [2]

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The Musical Art of Leadership

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You may not be aware of this, but I’m actually a classically trained violinist.

No, this is not what I do for a living, but it’s what I did for over a decade growing up. In fact, the capstone to my “musical” career was to play Max Bruch’s Violin Concerto no. 1 in G minor with a full orchestra accompanying me (that’s a picture of me during that concert). You can listen to it here (no, this is not me performing it, it’s Itzhak Perlman, one of my violin heroes.)

In fact, I never thought I’d get the chance to actually hear him live, but it happened! He came to Nashville and it was worth every penny. He’s a living legend.

Have you ever considered the relationship between music and leadership?

In a TED Talk from 2008, Benjamin Zander, the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, discusses the relationship that music has with effective leadership.

You can watch it here, but let me share a few of my thoughts and reactions on the musical art of leadership, based on his talk:

  • While you might learn the stuff of leadership in a book, seminar, or classroom, the art of leadership can only be learned overtime through sweat, tears, and practice.
  • Rather than trying to rationally convince people they need what you’re offering, figure out a way to awaken, within them, a desire for it,
  • The best leaders focus on making other people powerful, rather than themselves.
  • When people aren’t following, you need to ask yourself, “Who am I being that others aren’t being inspired?”
  • Leaders awaken possibility in others, rather than use others to awaken their own possibility.

The art of leadership can only be learned overtime through sweat, tears, and practice.

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The best leaders focus on making other people powerful, rather than themselves.

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Leaders awaken possibility in others, rather than use others to awaken their own possibility.

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Church Planting! Is it for you?

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The question, “Am I called to be a church planter?” is not a straightforward one. It’s not like, “Should I breathe?” or “Should I love others as Jesus does?”

The question, “Am I called to be a church planter?” is kind of like asking, “Should I go into an Arts program, Science Program, or a Trade Program?” What’s implied behind this question is the importance of further education. So the question is more a matter of, “Which route will you take?”

Or it’s like the question, “Should I eat a pop-tart for breakfast?” Yes, obviously you need to eat food, but if you eat a pop-tart for breakfast, how is that going to affect what you eat for lunch? And how will you deal with the sugar crash and belly rumblings mid-morning?

When we look at the biblical commandment to “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations,” the natural outflow of that is the planting of new churches.

We see this through the Early Church and how the apostles preached the gospel, made disciples, and planted churches that then preached the gospel, made disciples, and planted churches. I mean, just look through the book of Acts! And then look at how the New Testament was written to new churches in their respective life situations. Essentially, the New Testament can be seen as an anthology of church plants. The fact is, just like we all need to eat food or we will die, we need to all be about church planting, or the church will die.

We need to all be about church planting, or the church will die.

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So the better question that we need to answer is, “Am I called to be about church planting?”

And let me make this easy for you. If you’re a follower of Christ, the answer is a default yes.

Now there are people who will object to church planting and will say things like,

  • “Isn’t one larger church better than a lot of smaller churches?” Well, the fact is, it’s not an either/or. Both are good and necessary, but according to our recent State of Church Planting research, we discovered that new church plants are extremely effective at winning people to Christ. So while there isn’t anything wrong with larger churches, there is definitely something wrong if we don’t plant new ones!
  • “We have enough churches!” Based on the census data from 2011, there are 11 churches for every 10,000 Americans. Now unless, there are mega churches in every neighborhood in this country, there simply aren’t enough churches. Add that to the fact that our population continues to increase, and the numbers speak for themselves.

We all need to be about church planting.

But the next question we have to ask ourselves is, “Am I called to be a church planter?” That question is a bit more complex.

In the second edition of Planting Missional Churches, we walked through a few of the characteristics of Paul, the church planter, throughout the New Testament. Here’s a few of his characteristics:

  • He was an evangelist (Acts 9:19-22)
  • He was entrepreneurial (Rom. 15:20-23)
  • He empowered other leaders (Titus 1:5)
  • He cared for people (Acts 20:17-21)
  • He stayed committed to his calling despite the sacrifice (Acts 16:25)

How many of those characteristics do you identify with? It’s not enough to just be excited about the idea of planting a church, being the boss, and not having to do ministry the way others do. Planting a church is much more nuanced than that. If those are the types of reasons that are pushing you to plant, you will fail, the enemy will have his way, and the cumulative aftermath will be devastating.

Planting a church is not just about being the boss!

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So who is the ideal church planter? What does a church planter look like?

There certainly isn’t one type of church planter, since there isn’t just one type of church. Depending upon the model you choose, and the context that you plant in, the type of planter will differ.

However, regardless of model and context, the fact is that every planter and pastor needs to first put themselves up against the biblical qualifications as outlined in passages like 1 Timothy 3. For example, planters need to be above reproach, able to teach, self-controlled, not lovers of money, and so on. Be sure to read through this passage and put yourself up against it.

There certainly isn’t one type of church planter, since there isn’t just one type of church.

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In addition to that list, there are a few other indicators that will give you a glimpse into whether or not God is calling you to be a church planter:

1) Starter. Do you have a pattern of starting things? Lemonade stands, Bible studies, compassion-based ministries, and the like? Are they still around after you’ve left? You will be doing this over and over again in planting.

2) Equipper. Do you always have to be the one doing the work of ministry? Or can you lead and equip others to do the work of ministry? How about leading others who lead others? This is our task as church leaders and pastors—to be equippers, not doers as we read in Ephesians 4:11-13. Without this, your church will never break the 50 barrier or grow beyond your personal leadership lid.

3) Dreamer. Do you long to make a greater impact and change this world? Do you see the world in a different way? Can you help people catch that vision? This hunger and drive is critical for church planters.

4) Doer. No I’m not contradicting myself from point two. Instead, I’m asking, Do you execute, follow through, and get things done? There are many pastors, church planters, and visionaries who love the dreaming stage so much that they can’t actually get things done.

If you see those four indicators in your life, God may be calling you to plant. If you see some, but not others, perhaps this is the best time to develop those competencies.

Now what if you said yes to all four of those indicators?

Well, you need to ask yourself a few qualifier questions:

1) Do I have a burden and a calling to specifically plant a church? In your time with God, is this something that God continues to bring up? I’m not asking if you’re interested in the idea. I’m asking if God is laying this on your heart.

2) Does my family support us planting a church? If you’re married, God will not lead you to start a church if it means you have to leave your spouse and kids. This is because you can’t see planting a church as your day job, and expect it not to seep into the rest of your life! On our New Churches Q&A Podcast, we recently received a question from a guy who became a follower of Christ after getting married, and who is now in ministry. His spouse is still not yet a believer, yet he feels called to plant. The answer is, “Not yet! Wait!”

3) Does my church support me? Do others affirm this calling? If your church and friends are hesitant about your calling and gifting to plant a church, then you should also be hesitant. Are you allowing others to speak into your life? Are you currently sitting under the authority of another pastor, denomination, or team? If not, then why? If yes, then what are they saying about your decision? Involve them into your decision-making process as soon as possible.

If you answered yes to all of the above questions and indicators, then here are a few next steps that I would encourage you to consider:

Now let’s remember. We are all called to be ABOUT church planting, but we are not all called to be church planters.

God may be calling you to be a student minister, an executive pastor, a worship minister, a launch team member, a funder, an elder, or to be pastor of a church that multiplies and sends out church planters. Regardless of your specific role, the fact is we are all called to be ABOUT church planting.