After (what is typically) a long season of discernment and transition, starting a new role in pastoral ministry is exciting.
A new context with new people often results in new ideas for ministry! It’s also a time to re-try ideas (with adaptation) that didn’t work in your previous context. Plus, you have the chance to share all of your stories to people who have never heard them.
And while I would never advise any pastor to start their new role with their hand on the rip cord—just waiting for any sort of reason to leave—there are some reasons to leave.
I came across these three reasons to leave your church from A Burning in My Bones, Winn Collier’s biography of Eugene Peterson.
So, here are Eugene Peterson’s 3 Reasons to Leave Your Church (with additional commentary by yours truly):
1. Your Marital or Family Life is in Danger
If your marital or family life is in danger the sooner you get out the better. You can be a doctor or banker or professor and have a lousy marital/family life but not as a pastor. A valid reason to leave.” – Eugene Peterson
No one is perfect. We all mess up and make mistakes. And I’m so grateful that the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ can cover over all of it. He is so merciful and loving, and he is definitely a God of second-, third-, fourth-,… seventy-seven times seven chances.
But there’s a reason that Paul exhorts Timothy—a young pastor—to “Pay close attention to your life and your teaching” in 1 Timothy 4:16. Or you might know it as, “Watch your life and doctrine closely.”
If your marital or family life is in danger, you can only hide it for so long. They are more important than any title, paycheck, or sense of calling. Don’t neglect them. Leave your church, get a job elsewhere, and invest in the health of your soul, your marriage, and your family.
Before you can re-enter the ministry as a pastor, you need to have processed questions like the following:
- How did my marriage or family get to this point?
- What did I do to contribute to this? What am I doing to continue to contribute to this?
- What have I neglected about myself and those around me?
- Where do I find my sense of worth?
- If I never re-enter the ministry as a pastor, will I still love God? Will I still believe that God loves me?
A lot of these are identity questions.
Another resource that can help you process this is my book, You Are What You Do: And Six Other Lies About Work, Life, and Love.
2. Your Congregation is Dysfunctional
Another danger symptom is a dysfunctional congregation that has a history of dysfunction. Some congregations are absolutely toxic and it’s usually a toxicity that has a history. Sometimes it can be disguised for three or four years, but not indefinitely. An urgent reason to leave.” – Eugene Peterson
Now before you declare your congregation dysfunctional, be sure that you’re not reacting to someone or something, or making this declaration in isolation. Talk to your denominational leader (if you’re a part of one), talk to previous elders and pastors, and talk to congregants who have left.
Dig deep and mine what’s going on. Don’t make this declaration yourself.
I love how Henry Cloud reminds us that the past is the best predictor of the future, unless there is significant change.
So, if your congregation has a history of dysfunction, and if there hasn’t been significant change (like a heart of repentance, or a major change of stakeholders or the core), and if God isn’t asking you to stay and work through it, then leave.
3. You Aren’t Up To It Anymore
But maybe the most common reason for leaving is a sense that you simply aren’t up to it anymore—fatigue or depression or a chance that you aren’t equipped to deal with.” – Eugene Peterson
I think some of us fall into the trap of thinking that if you leave your church, there will never be another opportunity. Or if you need to take a break, you’ll never come back.
What a lie.
In life, we walk through different seasons don’t we? Sometimes things must die and go dormant (winter), in order for new life to sprout and begin (spring). Maybe this is your winter season? Or perhaps this is your summer season where all you want is to go inside and hide from the sun, when in fact you need to be out in the field watering it.
Don’t make the decision to leave in isolation.
Bring this up to your elders, to your leadership, or whoever you are accountable to. Maybe the right decision is to leave, or maybe the right decision is to go on a Sabbatical or leave.