In many Asian cultures, false humility is rampant. Helen Lee, in Growing Healthy Asian American Churches, describes false humility to be “humility in the guise of deference.” For example, in a situation when a person is asked to perform a respectable task, many Asians will automatically reply with a humble “no,” even though they know that they are more than competent to do the task. In the same situation, a Westerner would typically jump at the opportunity to get ahead of the pack. Why is there such a difference? What’s the motivation?
Many Asians do this, Helen Lee states, “to avoid potential conflict or embarrassment.”
In other words, many Asians (mostly Confucian-based Asian Cultures) are influenced by the motto – “The nail that sticks up gets nailed down.” However, the motto in the West is – “The early bird gets the worm.
That’s all fine and good, but what about people like me? I’m neither Asian nor Western – I’m both! So how do I reconcile these seemingly contrary qualities?
Well, as a Korean-Canadian, the Asian side of me seems to be much more dominant than the Western side. In other words, my soul hates conflict and doesn’t like to stand out, but my brain knows that I need to put my foot forward if I want to thrive in this Western culture I live in. So is there a constant battle going on within myself? Is there this constant struggle between my Asian “ness” and my Western “ness”? Do I have symptoms of schizophrenia??
Haha…no’p!
Here is how I reconcile it: Instead of placing my foundational identity in my Asian “ness” or in my Western “ness”, I place the roots of my identity in Christ Jesus. I find my identity and my acceptance in Him. After that, I do whatever I need to do to thrive (notice that I’m saying thrive and not survive) and work in excellence.
Thus, although I hate conflict, when I know that someone or something needs to be confronted, I will suck it up, and I will do it. When I know that there is a significant opportunity to advance my knowledge or my experience, I will put my foot forward and volunteer myself. Is that because I am more Western than Asian? No, I don’t think so. I believe it’s because I’ve learned to mold the two cultures into one – a uniquely Korean-Canadian Daniel Sangi Im.
What about you?
Interesting thoughts. Did you know that there is actually a term for people who grow up in two different cultures? Drs John and Ruth Useem describe it as Third Culture, arguing that one forms a third culture out of the two he is living in. There is even a book called Third Culture Kids which elaborates on the problems and challenges of forming your Third Culture, as a kid but also as an adult. It is quite interesting for both TCKs and those who have to deal with them 🙂
http://www.shop-securely.com/en/products/third_culture_kids/
It’s really interesting. I remember having this conversation with you before – about third culture kids. And the interesting thing is that I’ve never encountered that term within the Asian sphere. Are they the ones who coined the term?
Yumi’s pastor in Japan gave us some advice that we’re neither Japanese nor Canadaian now and that we are called to be of the culture of Christ. He’s is in a cross-cultural marriage of 25 years. Mori Sensei is his name:)
That’s awesome. However, I believe the more we are aware of our own cultural blindspots, the better we will be able to interact and minister to others.
Hmmm I’m western, cause I always jump at the chance of doing things…. That and my motto is “early bird gets the worm”…. hahahhahaha…..
hahahaha – good introspection.